The Tension of a Lovesick Heart

Right now I'm listening to Session 14 of Mike's Song of Solomon series. It's so funny that I've been at IHOP for a year and a half now, and this is the first time I've heard this message. I really need to start going to the Friday night services.

In the past, I've been so afraid to be radical or go too hard afer the Lord, but He's wooing me back to that place of lovesick extremity at the heart level. I don't want to be found at the end of my life knowing only my own depravity and just a little bit of the beauty of Jesus. The only way I'm going to be changed is by gazing on Him and His power in me, not on my own weakness.

He nudged me a few days ago because I was getting hazy about the definition of "getting to know Him." I was thinking about quitting FSM to have more time of personal prayer, but as I prayed about it more and more, He spoke so clearly through one burning heart that I absolutely admire: Stephen Venable. Here's what he said,

"Through your prayer room time and your study you ARE getting to know the person you love. Part of intimacy is experiencing Him and communing with Him, but part of intimacy is also filling your mind with the truths concerning Him and learning about Him. Studying the life of Christ, for example, and spending hours learning historical and geographical information so that I can better understand the Gospels is a profound expression of intimacy, and that is about as academic as you get. When I see Him we will have things to talk about because I know where He went, when He went there, and what it was like. You don’t have to put intimacy on hold during your time at FSM…my point was that you won’t totally see all the fruit of your training right now but in the days to come it will be manifest more and more…"

Ah... the voice of wisdom in the midst of a dramatic young adult after God. When I read this, I went, "Man, I need revelation about what I'm really doing, feeling, and going after with the things that I'm already doing."