Leadership

This week was the first week of my third year at FSM, and I am very excited about it. The Lord has definitely set me on a different path than I envisioned at the first, but I am so thankful for it! This year, I will be having a more "hands on" experience with my training, and this basically means a lot more work (the good kind).

One of the main aspects that I will be learning this year is leadership, which has been a common theme throughout my life. People have told me ever since I was young, "Becky, you are such a leader," and for some reason I always agreed. Much of what I based my assessment on has been my personality type, since I have a natural ease of speaking and interacting with people, as well as the ability to take charge in necessary situations.

However, since I have been at IHOP, I have had quite the wake up call as to what leadership actually means and looks like. Serving in a house of prayer is like taking a crash-course in leadership, and I've been kind of thrown into areas of leadership that I never expected to have. With most institutions, you only have to see those you're leading and those over you once or twice a week. With a house of prayer, you see them day after night after day, rain or shine, grumpy or chipper. Though I am so grateful to the Lord and those around me for the positions I've been given, I am not grateful because I like to lead but because I need the purifying fire it brings to get the level of sanctification I'm shooting for.

Because I'm in the Worship and Prayer Program at FSM, I'm getting training to lead a house of prayer for myself. That's right... I'm being trained to be the Mike Bickle of an IHOP of my own. The thought of this used to be exciting to me, but now it is quite sobering if not terrifying. The level of humility and perseverance it takes to establish, sustain, and further an IHOP is far, far beyond language, and I have felt the burden of it in just the one year of lower-level leadership. It is very painful to lead, but if the pain is brought to the Lord, it is redemptive.

How is it painful? Leading takes up your time, emotional energy, prayer, resources, and much freedom (whether you do it in a right or wrong way). Without the Lord's grace and sustaining hand, there is no possibility of doing it the right/redemptive way. Is it always painful? Yes. Jesus Himself is the ultimate and final Leader, and He showed us that the only way to lead is through humility, which usually means laying down what you think is best for the sake of others. He, being God incarnate, laid down His status and His very life in order to bring us to glory.

Throughout Scripture, every leader that is committed to following the Lord feels the weight of their own weakness and yet is commissioned to lead anyway. How is it that a perfect God would use very imperfect vessels to fulfill His perfect will? It is not simply that He uses people that are imperfect to begin with and then do better. Actually, as leaders mature (both Biblically and in my experience), they are ever-increasingly aware of their weakness.

How then is leadership redemptive? Paul is one of the ultimate windows into this reality, in that the Lord made it very clear to him saying, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Who is this God who uses our weakness to not only show how perfect His leadership is but also to actually perfect us?

As I grow and have more responsibilities given to me, I have many times felt like Moses (though probably not to the same extreme) in Numbers 11. The key phrase is at the end of the prayer when Moses reveals the source of his anguish, "...do not let me see my wretchedness." However, the Lord is teaching me not to stop at the place of my own wretchedness but to persevere unto redemption. Humility is more than a mindset, it's a commitment.

All that to say, please pray for me as I delve more into the leadership of a house of prayer this year!

Heading Out

Right now I'm packing to head out to my little dusty city of Reno, and I am going to have the most rockin trip. My sister's getting married!! She is my best friend, and I am so excited to see this union come to pass. I get to be the maid of honor, which is never something that I expected to be in a wedding. All of the plans are beautiful, and I can't wait to have to call her "Jessica Severne," although it's a little sad as well. I know I'm going to be weeping at the ceremony...

Many people are coming to the wedding that I haven't gotten to see in a long time. It's funny what praying for people does to your heart for them, and my heart has really been longing to see everyone. My mama and step-dad John are of course going to be there, which is really exciting for me.

However, one of the most exciting parts of the trip for me is to get to see my neice and nephew! Aubrey just turned 3, and Owen is not yet 2--they have stolen my heart in such a way, which I never throught would be the reality of being an aunt. In January, the whole fam is moving out to KC to go through Intro to IHOP together, and I am ecstatic to get to live with them.

To top off the trip, my daddo is taking his girls on one last road trip with just us and him (it tells you what a phenomenal guy Keith is to agree to take care of the kids so my sis can be free to do this, especially so soon after their wedding). We're going to Northern California for about 3-4 days to hang out in San Fran, go to Marine World, and finish with a football game between my dad's all-time favorite team (the Denver Broncos) and their rivals (the 49ers). Road trips are the ultimate agenda item with my family, but this is my first time I get to contribute to the drivers.

All that to say, if you couldn't tell, I am very jazzed to go, see my Renoites, and soak up the love of my family. I leave this afternoon, so keep me and my family in your prayers!

The Tenderness of Christ

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I'm back in the realm of the spoken word! Hallelujah for the time the Lord apportioned to seek His face in a more intentional and focused way. It was precious, and I am so truly grateful to have had these last 40 days.

Now talking, I am awfully struck by how wonderful and terrifying the tongue is. However, I don't want to get in to that right now, so you'll have to just call me or grab me to ask about it (verbally :)).



As I talked about a few posts ago, one of the main things the Lord gave to me during this season was the truth of the power and life of the knowledge of Christ. I have spoken about it before, prayed it before, and even believed it to be true, but having this extended time where all the talk was stripped away and I could simply behold Him in the Word and with the Spirit, I am actually beginning to experience the reality of it.

John 9:39-10:19 has been a wonderful companion and window into His heart. This is the famous portion of Scripture in which Jesus calls Himself the Good Shepherd. He is contrasting His way of leadership with the Pharisees/spiritual leadership of that day. Jesus rebukes them because they are those who are acting like hired hands because they are not concerned about the sheep but about the pay, and in rebuking them He reveals how He Himself shepherds and feels toward His sheep.

Jesus directly addresses the Pharisees' sinful leadership over His people as being that with which He has a controversy. The famous "steal, kill and destroy" scripture we so often use to describe Satan is actually (when read in context) directed towards the leaders who attempt to lead His sheep by another way than through the faith and hope in Christ.

He then describes His own leadership, saying that He lays down His life for His sheep because He cares for them. A hired hand isn't concerned about what happens to the sheep as long as they get the job done because he's in it for the pay. But Christ cares only about the sheep. He's not taking care of us and interceeding for us to just check off His task list before the Father. He is concerned about the way we are feeling, what we are thinking, and where we are going. He willingly lays Himself down without regard to the cost, for He knows them and is concerned for them.

It is the same way with Paul and Timothy, as Paul describes in Philippians 2:20-21,

"For I have no one else [speaking of Timothy] of kindred spirit who will genuinely be concerned for your welfare. For they all seek after their own interests, not those of Christ Jesus."

Although Paul had some of the most mistreated and hard-core disciples under him, there was no one other than Timothy who was doing it with the motivation of Christ's interests, which was solely for the welfare of the Church. They all had their own agenda and sought their own honor, even though they were going harder than probably most Christians of the day.

Jesus (and hence the Father) is not in any way out to kill us, steal from us, or destroy us. Rather, He is wholly consumed with concern for our well-being. Many times, we may feel like He takes this secret pleasure in seeing us suffer and squirm, but He is wholly without guile, and altogether for us (even when circumstances seem contrary). We must approach Him in faith with this posture, for if we come to Him in agreement with the accuser saying that He is harsh, cruel, or just unfeeling, there can never be true trust and love formed in our heart toward Him.

Thank You, Good Shepherd. You gave all the riches of Your house for love, and You truly, utterly scorned the cost of it.

Improving the Silence

"Don't speak unless you can improve the silence..." -English proverb

If I have learned nothing else during this fast, I have surely recognized the superfluity of most of what I would have spent my time saying. James 3 is one of the most clear statements from the Word of God concerning the power of the spoken word in our lives. However, less commonly known but synonymous in importance is Ephesians 4-5. I encourage you guys to read both of these passages. Five minutes worth of reading + receiving + responding in the mundane is how change happens, both in great and small things. This, though it seems like a small thing, happens to be the Great Stumbling Block.

...Little did I know that two days after creating this post, Mike Bickle would teach on the exact same thing at our Sunday service. He said it so clearly, please listen to it--don't worry... you have the time: click here to get the message!

Quote from Happy Are You Poor

“It must be noticed that the values of the kingdom are just about 180 degrees removed from the values of the world… It is assumed that every one knows them and that most people live by them. What are these premises: prestige is a primary value… bodily comfort and pleasure are indispensable… this life is all we have, and so let’s enjoy it to the full… impressing people with one’s possessions and accomplishments and attractiveness is important… sexual excitement and satisfaction are crucial… success is ‘coming out on top’ in relation to others… money is a must, for without it one can have very little of anything else worth having in life.

“If we turn to the pages of the New Testament we find a picture as opposite as it could be: humility, being last, unknown, hidden in Christ, is a condition for getting into the kingdom… prestige is worthless and even an obstacle to greatness… the hard road and the narrow gate, carrying the cross every day is immensely important… dying to our selfishness and crucifying our illusory desires are indispensable… impressing people is of no importance at all, whereas being pleasing to the divine eyes is everything… virginity is a favored and privileged state, and chaste fidelity in marriage mirrors the very union of Christ and his Church… one may not try to best others; rather he is to serve them as though he were a slave… it most difficult, indeed it is humanly impossible, for the wealthy to enter the kingdom of heaven.”

-Thomas Dubay, Happy Are You Poor, pp. 57-58


Great book--short but taking me so long to read, and absolutely rending my heart to shreds in the process. I highly, highly recommend it.

Silence

Finally, I think I'm ready to post, and I actually have time to! We're almost half way through this 40 day fast, and I am so proud and provoked by all those around me. Being silent for these 17 days has really given me the ability to enjoy others, although they feel totally awkward because I can't say anything to them.

So what has the Lord been saying in these past two weeks? Wow... well isn't that a question. The answer is actually a lot simpler than I thought it would be. I would bring it down to three points:

1) The Centrality of Christ
It is so easy to get overly acquainted with the idea of Jesus. Key word--idea. When it comes down to it, do I know Him? If I were standing face to face with Him, and we were talking to one another about what we love about one another, how much would I have to say about Him? What would be the content of our conversation?
In former times, the Lord revealed Himself in many ways and through many voices. But now, He speaks to us with one thunderous Word--His Son (Hebrews 1:1-3). Throughout the book of John, Jesus makes the most outrageous statements about Himself. Despite all that God had revealed before His birth, John 1:18 explicitly says, "No one has seen God at any time; the only begotten of the Father, He has explained Him." In His life, death, and glorification, Jesus is the resounding voice of the Lord speaking to humanity.
Being a person who delights in the knowledge of God, I have many times expounded on the rhetoric of this truth. However, now that I am taking the time to look through the Scriptures and come to Him with them in prayer (John 5:39-40), it is astounding to find that what I've said is actually true! There is a power on the prayerful study of the Person of Christ that really does supernaturally exhilarate and strengthen the heart. It takes a little while to get past the mundane of it, but when it's trudged through, I come out on the other side feeling alive and clean.

2) The Jealousy of the Holy Spirit
I have God living on the inside of me. He is always there, no matter if I feel Him or not, and He is always passionately desiring all of my affection and attention, whether I am aware of it or not. His jealousy is burning more hotly than any person I have ever known or ever will know, and yet in His eternal gentleness He restrains from taking over before I want Him to. He wants agreement, and yet He's not demanding because He wants it deeply and profoundly.
The only love God requires from us is non-obligatory love. He is the ultimate stalker, yet in the words of Alicia Good, "the only difference between a victim and a lover is the nature of their beloved." Praise the Lord that we have a Beloved who is like no other.
To make this more concrete and not so ethereal, let me say this: God really offers us continual communion with the Holy Spirit. He is actually calling every believer to it. This does not mean that He is offering an experience of unbroken ecstasy (which we will have in the coming Age), but He is a Person who is always there inside wanting a friend to converse with. Communion is conversation, plain and simple, though sometimes nothing is said at all. God is jealous for it.

3) The Urgency of Knowing the Lord
At the end of the first week of the fast, I went to see a movie at the dollar theatre called "Amazing Grace." If you have not seen this movie, I would highly recommend it. It is the story of William Wilberforce, the man who spear-headed the abolition of slavery in Great Britain. After seeing this movie with some friends, they were spurred on while I was left completely disillusioned.
What am I doing in this life? Why do I even exist in this world? Am I actually living for things that matter? Am I just living autonomously or am I really partnering with the Lord in bringing His kingdom to the earth? All of my time throughout the day, all of my money, all of my energy--what is it unto? Yes, I found myself in the middle of the book of Ecclesiastes.
Well, after much soul-seeking and having words with the Lord, I came to a conclusion. There is only one thing that actually matters is knowing Him. I came into this world with nothing and I will leave it with nothing. During the in-between time, He has great plans for my life, but they're all unto this one thing.
In Matthew 25, there are ten virgins waiting for the return of the Bridegroom (Jesus); five were called wise by God and five were deemed foolish. Yet they all fell asleep. In the mundane of life, they all lived in the reality of going about as though things were normal. When finally the cry was heard that He is coming, the only ones who were ready to respond rightly were those who had stored up history in the prayerful knowledge of God (oil). The others actually were not able to respond, and they fell away from the Lord into apostasy and eternal damnation.
There is reason to tremble at the thought of not knowing Him. The only thing that God calls wise is sticking it out and contending to know Him intimately. How is this done? Day by day, with violent pursuit.

There are several other topics that I have in my mind, but these are the main three. If you do want to leave a remark, please comment not only on what I said, but what the Lord is putting on your heart during this season. Grace to you all!

Las Vegas

I'm not ready to post about the fast yet, but here's something you will want to check out in the meantime (especially my Renoites out there).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S729tElgf-Y

Also, if you're interested getting a understanding of what this 40 day fast is all about, listen to the messages on this site:

http://www.heburnsforme.com